Hello folks. Before I started writing this I was amused by the wide number of topics I cover in this blog. From Jingle Twins, to random music to theology. I am a strange person apparently. Anyways, after some conversations with friends in the last few weeks I have some loose ends to tie up and I figured I would write them out.
I think as someone who plans to make a career in vocational ministry and currently works in a church there are times that I get a certain arrogance about my perception of God, the gospel, Jesus and all sorts of things related. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like since this is my job I should have a better view of who God is than a lot of other people. Not that I am smarter or anything like that, but that since ministry is my career, I need to have some interesting, unique, brilliant idea of who God is. But here’s the thing… I don’t. I am constantly trying to know Him better and get a better understanding of what He wants from me and the ministries I am involved in. But the big issue is that my human, flawed brain just isn’t capable of fully understanding God. That’s part of why He is God and I am not. I sometimes feel like I have failed if I don’t have all the answers, and granted I need to know more than I do, but I will never have all the answers. If I spend the rest of my life studying God’s word I will still have a flawed view of who He is because my brain can’t fathom the majesty and power of God. To some that may sound like a defeatist point of view. To me it is such a comfort. I’m glad I can’t understand everything behind how this world works and who God is. If I could then there would be no need for a higher power. I desperately want to know more truth and grow closer in relationship with Jesus, but being in ministry doesn’t mean that I automatically have a perfect view of Him.
To go further on this in a little different direction I had some conversations recently about how God can use people despite their sin and brokenness. We can’t have the perspective that because we mess up we can’t be useful. If that were true then Paul was useless. Whatever truth we may know. whether or not we always live it out, we should share with others. God uses our flaws and our weaknesses. He tells us that His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. Part of being in Christian leadership is knowing exactly where those flaws are and giving them completely to God. So often I fall in the trap of giving my weakness and failure to God and then taking it right back as soon as He draws me in a direction I don’t want to go. Its as if I am saying “Ok God, take my sin and repair me as long as you take it somewhere I find appealing. Otherwise, I will handle it myself.” That’s not what surrender is. That is asking for comfort instead of God’s will.
I suppose that is all that is rattling around in my head right now. Let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions.
